A memorable event in my life was my first vacation to Florida with my family .
It was our first vacation any where.
So we were very excited and could not wait to get to Florida.
We sat in our chair wating for the plane to take off.
Once the plane took off, we could not wait intil they serve lunch, so we thought.
But all we got was a bag of potato chip and cup of soda.
We looked at each other and said this is it.
They we selling some crackers and cheese for five dollars ,
that we bought some and ate it so fast we did not even look at each other.
Then we could not wait to get to Florida.
Once we got to Florida, we picked up our bags and
rented a car and headed to the hotel .
In the hotel we checked in and went to our room.
The room was a good side with a terrace and the view of the pool.
Then we went to eat. We hade a BLt and the kids haded a hamburger deluxe.
Then we went to a park called Island of Adventuces.
Once we got to the park it was so exciting,
they have all these rides from small, to medium to large .
Rides like The Little Mermaid, Peter Pan, Dr.Susu,
Jimmy Nutron,Screk, ect.
One of the best rides that i like was E.T you sat on a chair where it took you up and around.
You see all these Christmas lighs lett up and all kinds of flowers and things for the movis,
like the moon, E.T, the bike, You filled like you are two again.
You look at your partner his eyes are lit up and we both smiled.
It made my son thrilled because it was his birthday. He was turning 10 years old.
He was thrilled to be in Florida to celebrate.
The best ride he like was the spiderman ride. he went on that ride 20 times with his father,
the way they looked at each other and smiled, was price less.
The best was when my son got to blow out the candles and looked at us and said this is the best birthday ever. "
This is a memorable day for my family because of how much fun we had. Meeting new people , new rides, new places. My son celbrated his 10th birthday and the excitement of everything, made us feel like we were 2 again. we can not wait for our next trip .
Monday, November 9, 2009
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3 comments:
Hi Maria! I was so happy to finally read your first draft. I thought your final sentence was an excellent way to wrap up the themes in your memoir. When you wrote "we felt like we were 2 again", it really made me understand the "magic spell" that Disneyworld has on people!
I suggest that you go back to search for your verbs and make sure that they are consistently in the past tense. It will help your writing flow better. I also think that adding some sensory language will also bring your story to life. I'd love to know what you smelled, tasted, and the colors that you saw. We'll talk more about this today! Good luck!
hi maria love it batman
Maria-
Your spelling changes are awesome! This is so much easier to read now! Great job!!!!
Karen
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