Losing a love one

Its true what they say, you can never really understand what's it like until it happen to you. I once described losing a loved one. My mother carried me for 9 months, she gave birth to me, she was the first sight I ever set my eyes upon, she fed me when I was hungry, she got no sleep for months when I woke her up crying at night. She changed my diaper and watched me smile when I recognized her face. She watched me crawl and take my first steps and say my first word. She was always there. Memory I ever had growing up has her in it. When I was upset she was there to cheer me up. When I needed advice it was her who sought it out. When I stepped out of line it was her who put me back in step. She was a strong loving mother who I always knew was on my side and would do anything for me and my brothers. She gave us the perfect upbringing that made me the women I am today. I known her as my mother and as I become an adult I knew her as the women with a devilish sense of humor. She have always been a huge part of my life and now that she gone, I realize that I always assumed she would be. When the doctor phoned me early one morning to tell me my mother has past away. I was numb in the stage of depression. After months of her death I just couldn't grasp that she was really gone, like my brain just wouldn't accept that she was gone forever. Whenever i'm at home i come down in the morning before anyone else was up. I would watch t.v in the living room like I always did, I be sitting there waiting for her to wake a up. She would make us breakfast like she always did we were early rises. I cried for her more when she was suffering then after she died I couldn't hold back my tears. I learn to accept that she was gone but she kept turning up in my dreams. Sometime the dream would be set in my childhood and it was only when until I woke up to start feeling sad that it was just a dream. My other dream i would be telling her how much i miss her, waking up would just take me away from her. I woke up with tears on my pillow but then to leave all my sadness in the dream. My dream start to fade away although they do come back from time to time, I found that my mind seem to understand that she was gone. Its was as though in the preceding years and took it that long , it a good job I didn't take it all at once because it such an utterly terrible thing to have to get use to and live with it. I have to carry the pain and burden for the rest of my life, The only thing that changed is that I learn to live with it in my own way. As i said at the start It not a day goes by that I don't miss her I still get upset from time to time, but my mother never hid her tears from us and as a result we were brought up knowing that it was perfectly normal to miss some one we love , and it nothing to be ashamed of. She always admired my positive out look on life and to make the most of life as its so precious every day that goes by that exactly what I try to do.