My Epiphany

What they don't tell you about love is that it's a strong feeling and a long progress. Everyone becomes excited about love but it's definitely frustrating and confusing in so many ways. No one tells you love hurt's, they say it's the best feeling and you get butterflies in your stomach. Butterflies can be a good thing and a bad.

I was about 15 years of age. This is the age of manipulative and vulnerability. I never thought I could be the one to just fall in love with anyone and do the stupidest an outrageous things. Well, this memorable event I'm about to get in to, just explains how a average 15 year old think and handle's a love situation.

It was 5 years ago when I first saw and started to hang out with him. His name was Steven Decker. Everything he said and did invited me in. He said to me for the first time, "You shouldn't walk around here like that. It is dangerous for me." I was attached immediately.
I would look for him all the time, anytime I went out. There was that one day I saw him and he wasn't alone. He was holding hands with someone else. My heart dropped and I started to get hot. I automatically ranged with envy.

At that moment I just sat there just pretending I didn't know him. In just a couple of seconds he came up to me with her and said "Hey Cyn what's up, this is my girl Steph." I said "Hey nice to meet you." I wondered why he introduced me but at that moment I thought I was special.

That night I got a call. It was Steven and we talked for exackly three hours. It was about 9:45 when he asked me to come take a walk with him. During our walk we just talked and I asked him why does he do this to her. Of course he's going to say something like he's not ready for a commitment and what ever else. I know that it's the age, but why would you want to settle for the first choice.

Later on it started to rain, so we ran to a safe place. Then after a moment passed, he wanted to ask me something but he changed his mind. I already knew what it was and I definitely wanted to also. I walked closer to him and he got a little timid. I told him I wasn't going to hurt him. He said "No but I don't want to hurt you." I told him it's harmless not to worry. I thought it would be a harmless kiss, but it was deadly. It was the most perfect kiss. He suddenly said "Wow that gave me goosebumps", then that he had to go and for me to go home. I didn't know what was going on but I had an idea.

The day finally came when Steph found out and went balistic. She called me and told me things you don't want to hear. There was one thing she said to me that just broke me. She said "Do you actually think he loves you? Who is he with now? Who does he do things for? Who does he come to sleep with? ME! I thought he could defend me but he just defended himself.

As a result, I ended up in the hospital from taking 15 aspirins for my pain I felt. I came out in 2 weeks and decided to let everything go. Once again I bumped into him, he tried to apologize and ask for forgiveness. Then he asked me if I wanted to be friends. I just told him "Maybe future wise, because I don't see you as a friend." I walked away and thought that was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

While I picture my life now it is extremely complicated compared to when I was 15. Now that I'm slightly mature and experienced, for me to define love it will take more time then I expected, and it's only the beginning.